The 3tards

The 3tards
The 3tards perform at the Opera House in Toronto, opening for Green Jelly (July 4, 2008)
Background information
Origin	Brampton, Ontario, Canada
Genres	Punk rock Hardcore punk
Years active	2001–Present
Labels	Wounded Paw, Spinerazor, Universal Music Canada
Associated acts	Bunchofuckingoofs Razor
Website	the3tards.com
Past members	John Romanelli Michael Korban Rob Mills Gus Pynn Andrew Fox Eric Carr Keith MacIntyre Devin Fox

The 3tards were a Canadian hardcore punk rock band that was formed in Brampton, Ontario, in 2001.^[1] The 3tards released two full-length albums - Greatest Hits Vol. 2 (Wounded Paw, 2004, re-released by Spinerazor/Universal Music Canada, 2006) and Crystal Balls (Spinerazor/Universal Music Canada, 2005).^[2]

They were known for their satirically outrageous, vulgar and sexual lyrics, wild live shows including costumes, theatrics (they've staged live births,^[3] circumcisions,^[4] blood baptisms,^[5] etc. as part of their act), and socially liberal politics (for example following its legalization in Canada they held a mock gay wedding on stage between John Tard and Fox Tard, including a passionate kiss between the two).^[6] They have been described as "Canada's most politically incorrect punk band."^[7]

History

Early Years (2001-2003)

In late 2001, vocalist John Romanelli (John Tard) and guitarist Michael Korban (Mike Tard), best friends since childhood in Brampton, formed The Trouser Snakes with John Tard's brother-in-law Rich on bass. Originally writing songs with the help of a drum machine, the band eventually recruited another childhood friend of John Tard's, Rob Mills (Rob Tard), who was also drumming for Ontario metal band Razor. At this point the band's name was changed to The 3tards, and the band played their first and only show with this line-up at Harry Flashman's in Brampton.^[8] The show consisted of three songs for a grand total of seven minutes worth of music, and another 22 minutes of drunkenly harassing the bar's patrons from the stage.

Shortly thereafter Rich left the band, with Rob Tard taking over bass-playing duties. The band approached the (at that time former, and now current) drummer for Toronto thrash band Sacrifice Gus Pynn (Gus Tard) to play drums. This line-up played a total of 10 shows in the Toronto area.^[9]

Wounded Paw Years (2003-2005)

In August 2003, Rob Tard left the band and Andrew Fox (Fox Tard), formerly of Toronto punk bands Delirium Tremor, Shitloads of Fuck-All and Los Goblynz, joined as bassist. It was at this time that the band was signed by Preston Sims of Toronto punk label Wounded Paw to record their first album, Greatest Hits, Vol 2. Recorded over December 2003 and January 2004, the album included popular anthems 3tarded, Bigger The Better, and Gay Heavy Metal Singer, an ode to legendary Judas Priest vocalist Rob Halford.^[10]

During recording, the band was invited to play a benefit concert at Toronto club The Kathedral.^[11] This was the band's first large-scale exposure to an all ages crowd, with several hundred teenagers in attendance. This proved to be a pivotal moment for The 3tards as they were quickly embraced by the all ages punk rock scene. They have since rarely played shows that were 19-plus-only.

The 3tards also began to be invited to play with some of the bigger names in punk rock. Over this span they played with such punk rock luminaries as the Misfits, Dayglo Abortions, The Dickies, Ripcordz, and Agent Orange.

In 2004, the band formed promotional company Little Dog, and began promoting their own local shows. They quickly became the go-to promoters for local up-and-coming punk bands looking to play Toronto shows in front of large crowds. Either headlining the shows themselves or bringing in touring acts such as D.O.A., Forgotten Rebels and SNFU, The 3tards' shows were known as large-scale, youth-friendly events where new punk bands could get valuable exposure playing with bands that larger promoters would generally exclude them from sharing a bill with.

Spinerazor/Universal years (2005-2007)

In 2005, Wounded Paw merged with Spinerazor Records, who had on their roster at the time notable Toronto band Cheerleadër, and a distribution partnership with Universal Music Canada. Through Universal, The 3tards had significant resources put into the recording of their second album, Crystal Balls. Recorded over the fall of 2005, by Rob Sanzo at Signal 2 Noise Studio in downtown Toronto, the record was released in stores across Canada. Notable tracks include the title track, Stuck On You, and Manrapist.

On June 10, 2006 the band played inside the street-level studio of Toronto radio station 102.1 The Edge. Hundreds of fans, mainly teenagers, showed up, far past the capacity for the small studio. The crowd spilled out onto Yonge Street in downtown Toronto, directly in front of the Eaton Centre, closing down a portion of the road, Toronto's central and busiest traffic artery, and resulting in the station being cited by local police.^[12]

One week later the band played their final show with Mike Tard, opening for D.O.A. at the Kathedral. Eric Carr (Le Tard), formerly of Toronto punk legends Bunchofuckingoofs, joined as lead guitarist, playing his first 3tards show that July with The Unseen, also at the Kathedral.

Beetlejuice Tattoos John Tard On Stage

On Saturday December 16, 2006, Beetlejuice of the Howard Stern Show was flown to Toronto to MC and open for The 3tards at the Kathedral in Toronto. During the show, which was filmed for DVD release as The 3tards & Beetlejuice: Live 3tardation, Beetlejuice agreed to tattoo his name on John Tard's chest live on stage. With the assistance of a licensed tattoo artist and with the crowd watching, Beetlejuice managed to tattoo half his name, "Beetle" across one half of John's chest. He then proceeded to entertain the crowd with a few jokes, and to open up the 3tards set, as well as performing their anthem 3tarded along with the band to close out the night.^[13]

Recent History (2007-present)

The 3tards spent the next two years touring extensively across Canada. In the summer of 2007 Gus Tard left the band, and was replaced by Keith MacIntyre (Keith Tard), formerly of The Antics. Work began immediately on the writing of the band's as-yet-unreleased third album, 333: Halfway To Hell.

In 2008, for the first time, the band became a five-piece by adding Fox Tard's brother, Devin Shael Fox (Dee Tard), of Toronto bands Platypi and The New Effector, as rhythm guitarist.

In March, 2009 The 3tards announced they would be breaking up following their final show on July 18 at the Kathedral in Toronto. The show would also be the release of their third and final album 333: Halfway To Hell.^[14]

Since the breakup of The 3Tards, John Tard has been the lead singer of his new band, The Terrorchargers.

John Tard is now involved in the act of Mr. Tard. John Tard and Mr. Plow together.

Dee Tard is currently playing bass for Toronto pop rock band Crush Luther.

The Oshawa Incident

The 3tards agreed to play a benefit for breast cancer research on Saturday June 20, 2009 in the bandshell at Memorial Park in Oshawa, Ontario, which has been planned as the band's final Oshawa show. The lineup also included The Groopies, Black Cat Attack and Caution Inc. Initially, the promoter of the show, Tamara Morahan, petitioned the city to waive the $2500 fee for the park, as well as to promote the 3tards' web site on the City of Oshawa's site, but was turned down by Oshawa city council, who cited the band's web site content as "too risky" for a municipal site to promote.^[15]

Following a number of letters from 3tards fans being received by the City of Oshawa, council partially amended their decision, allowing the free concert to be promoted on the municipal web site, despite stated concerns of alcohol consumption and property damage by the estimated 1000 to 3000 expected to attend.^[16]

The promoter of the show, Tamara Morahan, was irresponsible and disorganized. As a result, the band went on late, there was a very small attendance, and no money was raised for Breast Cancer. On the day of the show, the band commenced their set at approximately 7:30 pm, playing in pouring rain to approximately 100 people. On their fourth song a large number of Durham Region police showed up to shut down the event which had gone well past its allotted time. After attempting to communicate amicably with the show's promoter, they were forced to cut the power to the stage. Citing noise complaints, the expiration of the event permit at 8 pm, and an out-of-control crowd, city officials refused to allow the band to finish the set. Police escorted two fans in attendance out of the park in handcuffs, and some arrests were made. Members of the crowd had also filled the fountain in the park with a large quantity of bubble bath, overflowing onto the park grounds.^[17]

In the week following the show, a letter writing campaign was started by fans of the band, urging Oshawa City Council to add The 3tards to the city's Canada Day concert event on July 1 in Oshawa's Lakeview Park. Morahan even attempted to appear before council to push for the band's inclusion on the show, but council voted 7-4 against allowing her to present her case. Mayor John Gray stated that council didn't "want to create confrontation with other folks who are trying to protect their kids from influences they don't feel are appropriate."^[18]

Musical style

The 3tards music has been compared with a wide variety of bands from a large spectrum of genres, including Frank Zappa, The Dead Milkmen, Forgotten Rebels, Dayglo Abortions, Scatterbrain, Helix, Dropkick Murphys, Quiet Riot, M.O.D., the Dead Kennedys, and many more. Lyrically, they've been compared with such bands as Bloodhound Gang, Beastie Boys, AC/DC and Mötley Crüe.^[10][19][20]

Critical response

The 3tards have generally been received as talented musicians with offensive and/or ridiculous lyrics. They've been referred to as the Chevy Chases^[20] and the Trailer Park Boys^[21] of punk rock. Never a band to shy away from bad reviews, they publicly display any negative review about them in a section on their web site. Venerable anarcho-punk zine Slug and Lettuce referred to Crystal Balls as "the worst record ever" and of the band said "[t]hey thank their wives. For all that is sacred in this world, I hope these knobs do not breed."^[22] This is displayed prominently in the press section of The 3tards official site.

References

External links

• The 3tards Official website